Matt 20:25-28 (The Living Bible)

25 But Jesus called them together and said, “Among the heathen, kings are tyrants and each minor official lords it over those beneath him. 26 But among you it is quite different. Anyone wanting to be a leader among you must be your servant. 27 And if you want to be right at the top, you must serve like a slave. 28 Your attitude must be like my own, for I, the Messiah, did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give my life as a ransom for many.”

Men are real bad about wanting authority in the home! Many times, when I’m marriage counseling, I will read the scripture in Ephesians where it says a woman should “submit” herself to her husband, “as unto the Lord!” (Ephesians 5:22) Usually, the husband will smile when I get to that passage and some have even nudged their wife with their elbow and said, “see honey, I’ve been trying to tell you…you HAVE to submit!”

Most of the time, I have to quickly explain to the husband that there is also a verse 25 that says that husbands MUST love their wife just like Jesus loved the church. He died for it! They don’t seem to like that part quite as much.

You see, there’s a simple but powerful principle in these scriptures and also in the one above (Matthew 20:25) that teaches us that TRUE authority must ALWAYS be given freely and NEVER taken by force. Oh, if all of us husbands could learn that lesson. You see men, if you will sacrificially love your wife, she will voluntarily hand you all of the authority you can stand! The truth is, it is instinctual in every woman to submit to someone who is loving her! Now I know the women’s libbers get a little nervous right here but it’s so true. A woman will always want to submit to a man who is loving her and sheltering her and protecting her and cherishing her and dying for her! Who wouldn’t want to submit to someone like that? But, the opposite is equally true – who would ever want to submit to a tyrant! Who would want to submit to someone who is using and abusing them?

Jesus Showed Us A Better Way

In our scripture in Matthew, Jesus makes it very plain that the key to being a true and effective leader is to become everyone else’s servant! It’s very difficult for you and I to understand the words of Jesus here because the world has taught us something quite different. The world says, “take it by force!” Why, the world has even changed the golden rule to declare, “He who has all the gold rules!”

The problem comes when we fail to understand that forced authority is never real. It’s kind of like going to a prostitute and paying her $100 to tell you she loves you. That’s not real love. Men, real love will flow forth from your wife when she gets a revelation one day that you would die for her! When you love a woman like that, she will obey you!

This same principle is true concerning church leadership. So many in our pulpits today are so insecure concerning authority. These men want the congregation to obey them and so they spend a lot of time teaching the principles of obedience found in the Bible. The problem is, I’ve seldom heard these same men teaching that true leaders should be willing to become servants to their congregations! 

PASTORS AND ELDERS HEAR THIS WORD: If you want your congregations to serve you…SERVE them first! And, you need to serve them like you are THEIR slave, not the other way around!

It’s been my experience that when you find a church leader like this, almost everyone will follow him and force and coercion will never need to be applied. When a church leader gives whether it be in finances or service, the congregation will give as well. A true church leader GIVES by being available when someone in the congregation is hurting or in need. A true church leader gives his life for the sheep.

We have some leaders like this at our church and I hope you appreciate them. These kinds of men and women are rare indeed in today’s church. Sadly, many churches in America today are not be “served” at all but, rather, they are being fleeced by men who have never understood the principles that Jesus taught! The ultimate service Jesus gave was in GOING TO THE CROSS! He gave His life! Why do you think Christianity is the largest religion on the face of this planet today? Why do we follow Him? Because He served us! Because He died for us.

Men, if you are finding some resistance in your home may I ask you this simple question? Are you serving your wife? Are your serving your children?

And Pastors, are you serving God’s sheep?

Thank you Jesus for showing us the way to true authority!