Have you ever wondered why people have different personalities? Some are “extroverted,” which means they have an outgoing personality and some are “introverted,” meaning they tend to be more shy, timid and withdrawn into themselves. And then there are specific personality traits that are rather interesting. Some people are kind, soft-spoken, considerate, and always polite. Others are mean, bitter, resentful, or just downright rude! Have you noticed how some of your acquaintances seem to cry at the drop of a hat; you would call them “tender-hearted.” Others, however, seem to be made of stone and haven’t had a good cry in years! What does all this all mean? How do we end up with the personality that we have?

Believe it or not, you aren’t born with your personality. It was made for you! How does this happen? Many parents today do not realize how fragile their children are and how easily they can be influenced. Some children today are raised in an environment that is anything but ideal! Perhaps the father is abusive, a drinker who is quick to use profanity. He has a habit of not only knocking his kids around but rejecting them, especially at times when they really need him! Now, the word, “rejection” is a big piece to this personality puzzle. Almost everyone I have counseled over the last 30 years is suffering from some form of past rejection! For some, it has grown in their life to the point that they have become “handicapped.” These kinds of individuals find it difficult to love others or receive love. They are also usually afraid of intimacy (notice, I didn’t say “sex”). Sex and intimacy are two different things!

I’m sure most of you reading this right now have experienced situations in your life where you were hurt by someone. For some of you, it’s a daily occurrence! Have you ever wondered why people hurt other people? If you stop and think about it, there are only two possible reasons why someone might have hurt you. The first reason is, they are evil! Now, when you are first wounded by someone, that is probably your first thought. But, after you calm down and the hurt subsides, and if you would pray and seek the Lord’s guidance, you might discover another possibility. Perhaps the person who wounded you has a set of problems they are dealing with in their own life; problems that are producing great amounts of stress! Perhaps the guilty party is wounded themselves. You see, when people do bad things, there may be reasons. Now, reasons are excuses; there usually isn’t an excuse for hurting another person. But understanding “reasons” will help you to forgive the person who has hurt you. Forgiveness is vital to all of our lives! Unforgiveness is a terrible thing that slowly seeps into a person’s life bringing with it bitterness, resentment, and sometimes, even sickness! Have you ever considered that hating your enemy doesn’t usually effect them at all. The only person effected by your unforgiveness is YOU!

Now, what will you do about the personality traits in your own life that are not pleasing to others or the Lord? Have you ever considered that, perhaps, YOU were the guilty party dishing out some hurt of your own? If you’ve been a Christian very long, you’ve already discovered that God has been “dealing” with you about your personality. It seems He won’t let us get away with anything! A few years ago, I snapped at a lady cashier in the grocery store. I had been waiting in line for “ages” (at least 5 minutes anyway)! I was already having a bad day so I just let the poor woman have it! As I headed for my car with the groceries, I knew I was in trouble. The Holy Spirit began talking to be about my behavior and I snapped at Him, “Okay, what do you want me to do about it?” He gently, but firmly, instructed to go back into the store and apologize to the lady for being rude. I obeyed Him but when I got back out to the car I complained, “Lord, I’m just a little tired of all this apologizing I have to do all the time!” Then the obvious suddenly struck me. Duh! If I’d just stop being so rude all the time, I wouldn’t have to apologize so much. What an amazing revelation! Why hadn’t I thought of it before?

Listen folks, God loves you so much! Do yourself a favor. Allow Him to place His “spiritual mirror” up in front of you and take a good look at yourself. And then, allow the Lord the courtesy of working with you (after all, you did give Him your life, didn’t you?). It’s amazing what God can do in someone’s life who has yielded to Him. First of all, He comes with “healing in His wings!” Some of you have been so hurt and rejected in your life that you’ve thought healing would never be a possibility for you. The truth is, God is the only one who can heal some hurts. Many of the women who have come to me for counsel have been sexually abused in their lives, for example, and only God can heal a hurt like that and take away the negative personality traits that have developed as a result! Our precious heavenly Father can make all things new! Open your heart and give Him a try.

Disclaimer: Many of the articles on the site were written many years ago. While the lessons and teachings are certainly applicable to issues of today, please note that some of the references mentioned in the article may be dated or otherwise proved inaccurate due to the passage of time. We bring you these articles in their original format. Thank you.